I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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