I just pynch a tree in the face
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
