Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
