I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
