when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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