i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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