where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
