Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
