Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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