hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
