awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
