my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
