please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
