Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
