Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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