My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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