They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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