Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
