i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
