He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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