Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
