I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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