Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
