I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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