I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
