I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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