I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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