Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
