my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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