Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
