How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
