she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
