what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
