You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
