im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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