who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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