someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
