Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
