omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
