mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
