allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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