So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
