I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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