you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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