i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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