I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
