He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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