when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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