He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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