You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
