2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
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