actually, I'm a sock model
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
