My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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