can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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