this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
