Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
