Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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