So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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