i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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