Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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