I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She said her name was "party"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
