I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
