i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
