There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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